Log in


> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> mediocrity
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Tuesday, November 17th, 2015
7:33 pm - life and love
my little brother had a green card courthouse wedding today with this Filipino girl he met in April. meanwhile, my marriage is falling apart. fun.

(lie to me)

Wednesday, January 21st, 2015
12:06 am
man, I've been feeling so depressed lately. I feel like parts of my life are finally coming together and simultaneously falling apart. it's so overwhelming and I already hate stress as it is. I wish I knew the answers. I just wish I were happy.

(lie to me)

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012
9:27 am
i'm having a rough day

(lie to me)

Monday, April 30th, 2012
8:28 am
my body is uncooperative and stupid. or maybe i am the stupid one for getting myself into this mess.  i've been on a very strict calorie-packing diet for the last week and my weight has not changed in the slightest. i am eating about 2-3 times what i was eating when i was losing weight and my weight actually keeps going back down every time i turn around... i am losing my mind. i don't know how long it has taken me to lose this weight because i did not regularly weight myself until i realized i was losing weight and my clothes stopped fitting me.  i would assume my stomach shrank when i stopped eating normal foods due to my surgery.  when everyone asks me if i am eating and none of my clothes fit well, i realize i look like complete shit. looking back at pictures from when i weighed closer to 105 instead of 95 lbs, i realize now how completely disgusting and out of shape my body is right now. i am doing everything i can, spending all my energy on planning my meals, but i am getting very discouraged. my body has always been quicker to lose weight than to gain, i don't know what else i can do but to eat as much as i possibly can and just wait for time to pass. maybe my stomach will start to man up and be able to hold the amount of food of an extra value meal instead of barely holding in a happy meal, that would be nice.

(lie to me)

Sunday, September 18th, 2011
11:44 pm - top 5
top 5 craziest things i have ever done:

1. went skydiving
2. pierced my belly button (twice)
3. my english romance
4. plastic surgery
5. getting married

(lie to me)

Saturday, September 10th, 2011
12:00 am - pre wedding rambling
today has been so crazy. i've been so overly stressed out, anxious, and so on that my day started off kind of bad and overly emotional.  jason and i got into it a little because he was stressed out. he waited until the last minute to do a lot of the things he needed to get done. just as i was pulling up to work, i got a text from my friend tamara and it straight up made me cry.

"hi trisha, it's me tam... i just wanted to say my real favorite memory of you is.. how i looked up to you like one of my own sisters and wanted to be just liked you. when i was down you could always make me laugh.. i am so glad you found someone to make you happy and love you. you've always been a dear friend and i love you, you will look beatuful tomorrow like you always have inside and out. thank you for being my best childhood friend. that is what i really wanted to write at your bridal shower. love you trisha"

it just put me over the edge. then i see my cousin doing her fitting in her wedding dress. her wedding is october 8th. she has had breast cancer twice and is marrying her boyfriend after 18 years of on and off dating.

one of the drawbacks of having the wedding at a historical venue rather than a wedding place or banquet hall was that we had to be a lot more hands on. we went down to the venue with the very narrow time we had between my cousin's fitting and the rehearsal at 4:00. we had to rearrangeall of the tables, which threw off the seating arrangements i had worked so hard on. then we also had to set up things i had made for decorations.  it took so long that i had zero time to drive across town and get ready for the rehearsal.

i rushed back and barely made it on time, but about half of the bridal party was slightly late. thankfully everyone in the bridal party made it. even ciara, who i was barely speaking to. so that made me feel really good. jason;s dad did not come, but we expected that.  the rehearsal was great and really put us all at ease. i feel really good about the big day.  we went to dinner at nora's afterward. jason's mom threw us the dinner and we had a ton of food.  wine, garlic bread, antipasta salad, caprese salad, chicken marsala, eggplant parmesan, penne ala vodka, pork tenderloin, tiramisu & cannolis (my favorite). typing this out made me realize how pissed off i left my extra cannoli on the table. i was so stuffed, i couldn;t finish it so i was going to take it to go :(

overall things are looking good for tomorrow! now if i could just sleep. i am too tired to spell check this but not enough to sleep.

(lie to me)

Friday, August 12th, 2011
12:07 am
life only gives you what you can [barely] handle.

(lie to me)

Monday, March 21st, 2011
10:10 pm
dude. my life is an emotional roller coaster. up down up down. i can't handle it. at least i am up right now, but am i going to come down again? i've never been this bad before, but every week it seems like i am balling my eyes out at least once. is it me? is it my new life? i don't know. i just want to be stress free for once. i want to go on a europe trip before the wedding. most importantly, i want to be happy. i hope that jason will always be here to make me happy and make the sadness go away. i don't think he knows how to handle my craziness yet.

(lie to me)

Friday, July 16th, 2010
9:12 am
i've been watching true life: i need a bone marrow transplant for about 5 minutes and i am already crying like a baby.  it hits too close to home :( my friend danny went through all of the same things this poor guy is going through; he died and it just sucks. it's not fair.

(4 counts of libel | lie to me)

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
12:00 pm
one baby to another says
i'm lucky to have met you
i don't care what you think
unless it is about me

it is now my duty to completely drain you

(1 count of libel | lie to me)

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010
6:38 pm - valentine's day
jason spoiled me this year. i had a great day, despite having a rough past few months.

at 9 am, we went to a jewish temple for my neighbor's bat mitzvah. our families are very close and she is best friends with my little sister. the jewish service was extremely crazy to me. people always seem to hate on the catholic religion because it is very ritualistic and doesn't make sense to some people, but the jewish service was totally insane to me. the whole thing was in hebrew and the rabbi had their backs to us most of the time, and there was a lot of fast hebrew talking and then everyone would break out into song randomly. i had no f-ing clue what the hell i was participating in.

then, we went to a celebration brunch at 11 at spiedini in the rampart casino. i forgot that this was a jewish celebration and was really hoping there would be bacon there, LOL. there was lots of lox instead. i ike lox, but not there :/. there was an open bar so of course i had 2 mimosas and a bloody mary. i didn't get sick because there is hardly any champagne in those mimosas. there was lot of food, dancing, airbrush tattoos, and a photographer that framed pictures of us.

i went home around 2 to get ready for my valentine's day with jason. he picked me up and brought me flowers and 24 valentines about things he likes about me (2 of them had to do with food i make). he also got us 2 tickets to go to the rock and roll wine tasting at the caesar's pool in march. it will be fun because jamie really wanted to go to it too. jet and imagine dragons are playing at it, lol. he also got me two necklaces, a heart one, and a long chain.  then he took me out to the new latin restaurant in town square.  it is called cana, and it was a lot like firefly, but "south american, not spanish." we had sangria and little appetizer type things. i felt bad because i only got jason a new pair of ray bans because he lost his.

then we went back to my house because i had made ghiradelli covered strawberries which turned out horrible because i made them the day before and apparently you aren't supposed to refrigerate them or wait too long to eat them :(. they tasted nice though. i also had a bottle of sofia coppola champagne so we popped that open. i didn't get drunk at all on sunday, but i think that the large amount of different types of alcohol made me sick! i now have a sore throat :( but it was definitely a fun day. i kind of wish every day was valentine's day so we can do fun and romantic things every day instead of only on occasion. jason is really good about wanting to do new and different things, but you know what i mean.

(2 counts of libel | lie to me)

Monday, February 15th, 2010
9:31 pm - lol

do me a favor.

max murray
So i was sitting in a pub and in bowls Ollie wearing this hat, a hat the rese...
1:35 AM (19 hours ago)
max murrayLoading...
1:35 AM (19 hours ago)

max murray

 to me
show details 1:35 AM (19 hours ago)
So i was sitting in a pub and in bowls Ollie wearing this hat, a hat the resembles one i had left in far off lands.
Hope your all well, and life is treating you better than i ever did

(2 counts of libel | lie to me)

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
7:44 pm
today isn't over & have already eaten a bunch of food. i have to write it down now because i am going out later. i don't usually eat 3 set meals, i just kind of eat periodically throughout the day, so i tried to categorize it as close to a meal as possible.

english breakfast tea
1 deep fried hasbrown
3 maple sausage links w/ no casing
1 hard boiled egg w/ no yolk

tiny greek salad
half a whole wheat pita
half a jack in the box kids meal (1 chicken strip & half curly fries)
half a kid's coke (my mom made me split the kids meal with her lol!)

a little bit of microwave popcorn
a mini twix bar

4" jersey mike turkey sub w/ veggies, vinegar, no cheese
detox tea!!!

?????-possibly sushi with jason at like 9:30?????
i don't know why i agreed to go, i'm not even hungry, but a spicy tuna roll sure does sound good!

i'm going to try not to drink anything until the phoenix concert thursday night and i haven't drank any alcohol since saturday. jason is on a diet and doesn't drink that much while he is on a diet, so hopefully i will not drink much within the next two  months unless it's a special occasion (birthday/v-day/phoenix concert-lol).

one of the reasons i am doing this is because i had a 4 day long migraine last week. finally the migraine went away on saturday. sunday i was in bed all day hungover even though i didn't drink a lot. i am hoping that if i eat lot of salads (which is what i usually eat everyday) and a well balanced diet, stop drinking (i only drink 2 beers about 1-3 nights/week), and start working out more, my body will love me again & i will stop being prone to headaches. i know i don't have the most ideal diet, but seriously i don't eat that poorly & i am constantly ill!!!

(2 counts of libel | lie to me)

Monday, January 25th, 2010
10:00 pm - food journal
i always tend to get sick at random times and never seem to have enough energy lately. someone told me to write down everything i eat so i can see if something makes me sick or if i'm eating too much/little of something.

1 deep fried hashbrown and 1 chocolate muffin
hot peach lipton tea

1 olive garden breadstick

homemade greek salad
1 whole wheat pita & hummus
water bottle filled with half water, half lemonade

steamed broccoli & cauliflower
a bowl of cookie crisp w/out milk
small glass of tomato juice
a cup of liver/kidney detox hot tea

OK, so after writing this, i realized i ate practically no protein today. maybe that's why i've been getting headaches!!

as i'm writing this, i am watching some lame teenager show on BBC america, but the soundtrack is definitely awesome! i wish i lived there :(

(2 counts of libel | lie to me)

Thursday, September 17th, 2009
10:42 am
i have so much to be happy for, but happiness is a day to day struggle for me. why can't life be perfect??

(1 count of libel | lie to me)

Saturday, June 13th, 2009
12:07 am
sometimes (most times) i think jason is absolutely perfect for me. and then sometimes he acts so indifferent and inattentive toward me even though i tell him that he is acting that way and i feel insecure. it's like he ether doesn't care about me or he is just being an airhead. why doesn't he see that it makes me sad when he acts like that? i have to spend my weekend going to utah to fix barbed wire fences with him and his mormon side of the family, but why should i even go do something i don't want to do if i don't even feel loved? i don't know if i'm just being too emotional or what, but it has been consistently getting worse for over a week. i've been all alone because my family is camping and i have no one to talk to because most of my friends could give a shit.

(1 count of libel | lie to me)

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
11:28 pm
sometimes my customers give me tips (like $10-$20). it is never the pain in the ass customers who i hate dealing with who give me tips, it's always my nice, low maintenance customers who do. i feel a little dirty when this happens.

(lie to me)

Monday, May 25th, 2009
10:28 pm
i never write in my livejournal anymore. mostly because i am too lazy, but also i think that no one wants to hear about my life. but if no one wanted to hear about my life, then they just wouldn't come here, so i'm going to update about nothing really. just an update.

i am going to nashville this friday through sunday! i've never been, so i am pretty excited. i'll be seeing steve martin at the grand ole opry. i used to be obsessed with steve martin comedy albums in high school. yes i am weird. i'm also stoked to eat at a cracker barrel for the first time. (i am secretly a fat kid)
i am taking a couple of other little trips this summer (utah and san diego with jason's family), but most importantly, i'm going to freaking THAILAND august 5th through 16th. it's official, jason booked the flight. the only thing that sucks about this is that it's a pretty short trip and at least two of the days will be spent traveling since we fly: vegas -> LA, LA -> taipei, taipei -> bangkok. i have never been to asia and had never planned to go so soon, so i am stoked. we will be staying with jason's dad who has a high rise condo on the beach a little north of bangkok.
i saw flight of the conchords saturday night at the joint and am just a little bit obsessed/in love with jemaine.
i decided that i'm not going to live in europe any time soon (sad face) so i used my savings to pay off my car last week! now i have very little bills & can start saving up for, i don't know, a house? unfortunately, i will not be living with my parents forever hahaha.
i've become real concerned about the way i look lately. i really don't like it, but i can't help it. ever since i got invisalign to fix my teeth that moved since i stopped wearing my retainer, i keep thinking i need other things to be pretty. i really really want to get a nose job. i hate the way i look from ta lot of angles. but i just feel really bad about spending $6,000 on a nose job when i can be traveling or saving for my future. i don't know what to do. some people tell me i'm being crazy, some people think i should get it, but it really only matters what i think. is $6.000 + 10 days of pain/recovery worth me feeling a little better about myself? i don't know :( i'll have to think about it some more.
some people were giving me a hard time about not getting a job once i graduated. and sometimes, i still feel down on myself about it. but after researching the available jobs & looking at the las vegas job market lately, it's hard to feel bad about it. i am happy to even have a job, let alone a job i pretty much actually like. i have the same job that i've always had (which doesn't require a high school diploma let along a college degree), except i get paid more now and i can do pretty much whatever i want as long as i am working. i learn new things all of the time about running a business, i genuinely love dresses and planning weddings for some weird reason, i work with friends & family, i live like 4 minutes away, i don't have to be there until 10 or 11 most days, plus i can take off time pretty much whenever i want. i'm kind of spoiled. i do work very hard (& it's retail so it sucks sometimes), but i get a lot of benefits from working for my mom ;)
one other good thing is that i am still so in love. i hope he feels the same way about me as i do about him.

(2 counts of libel | lie to me)

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
10:40 pm - recurring nightmares
1. i am pregnant. to the point where it is very visible. i just find out that i am pregnant and start to freak out because i am either not married, in a relationship, or have to get fitted for a wedding gown and i realize i don't want to be pregnant at my wedding. and then i start getting very physically uncomfortable (like i actually am pregnant) and the dream seems very real.

2. it is the end of the semester, i am getting ready to graduate, and i just realize there is a class that i haven't been to in months or since the beginning of the semester. usually it is a math class so when i finally show up at the end of the semester to take my exam, i have no idea what is going on or how to do any of the work. i also feel very guilty because the students and professors are staring at me and know i was ditching. i think i started having this dream because my last semester of college, i regularly ditched two classes and was kind of afraid i would get bad grades (even though i ended up w/ A's and B's).

3. my teeth start to feel very loose and sometimes they even fall out. i start freaking out because i am losing something that can not be replaced! in my dreams, i actually feel my teeth wiggling, and i can not tell if i am awake or asleep.

(6 counts of libel | lie to me)

Sunday, March 29th, 2009
11:40 pm
i reallllllllllly want to watch rock of love & tough love right now but since the wind is blowing so hard, i think it is making my direct TV not work :(

jason and i had such a fun day today. i woke up super early for a sunday, did my chores & payroll for work and got ready. we went to cheesecake factory for lunch (jason got a gift card for his birthday), checked out the art gallery at the bellagio (this was part of my v-day present to jason), and saw nathan burton at the flamingo (jason got comps). the show got out at like 5 so jason and i started drinking pina coladas and walked around the strip. then we went to the atrisan on a whim because i said i wanted to go there. we tried 4 different drinks i have never had before, the bartender there was sooo awesome and passionate and nice and made us the most beautiful drinks. i don't even know what i tried, one was gin (with egg whites!), one was bourbon, and then i had my first ever dirty martini. i surprised myself because i usually only drink beer, wine, or vodka. but then as you can imagine, jason got super drunk because i made him drink most of everything, so i had to take him home. now i'm lonely :(

and the most exciting news is that jason is officially off his diet TOMORROW! and now i get to eat so much food with him, i am so excited! we are going to get hella fat. we seriously made a huge list of places/things he wants to eat and so many of them are so fatty.

(1 count of libel | lie to me)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page